10 Things Your Parents Do That Make You Disproportionately Crazy


1. They follow you on social media.

You know theyre lying there in bed before they fall asleep, scrolling through your feeds, trying to understand you better. You really wish they wouldnt because any information gleaned from these cybersnoop missions disguised as goodparentingis inevitably misinterpreted. Youre tired of explaining that youre not dating so-and-so just because you tagged them in a photo and that youre not gay just because you hashtag #love all your girlfriends so much.

2. They think your use of Internet abbreviations is cause for concern.

Instead of appreciating the time a good abbreviation saves youfrom typing out lengthy messages (time that’s better spent, say, doing your homework), they express concern for your grasp of the English language when you accidentally pop one in a text to them. As if your vast lexicon of useful abbreviations means your vocabulary is somehowgoodthan that of a person who cant decode a simple lmao, wtf, or imo.

3. They dont get memes or gifs.

They dont even know how to pronounce theseterms correctly, let alone understand why any particular meme or gif is can be such aneffective, valuable means of self-expression. Youre tired oftrying to explain why a specificimage is hilarious, or going viral. Youre even more tired of spelling outwhat going viral means, exactly.

4. Their enthusiasm for emojis gives you second-hand embarrassment.

They overuse them and you knowit’s because they assume that bydoing so,theyre speaking to you on your levelor something. The problem is that they routinely misusethem, which is sometimes hilarious but usually just superannoying. In their eyes, the praying hands emoji is two people high-fiving. And the crying tears of joy emoji is devastated instead ofelated.

5. They try (and fail) to adopt your slang.

They see a Beyonc video or an episode of some reality TV show and suddenly feel empowered to drop terms like bae and OG into conversation. Within a day theyve forgotten what their favorite new word means, however, so they call you (not text, because theyre actually still programmed to pick up the phone when they have a quick question) for a reminder. Reluctantly, you provide the definition, then you send a follow-up text using the word correctly in a sample sentence, but within half a day theyre mucking it up again in a Facebook caption.

6. Theyre extremely worried about the dangers of hookup culture.

Theyve read countless studies and forwarded you severalarticles on the dangers of hookup culture. None of these articles reflects your actual reality, like, at all, but youd really rather not talk about sex withyour parents.Soyou reply to each and every single email withfaux gratitude (Thanks Mom!!! Didn’t realize sexual assault was such a big deal on college campuses!)to confirm receipt and then pray that they don’t mention the whole thinglater.

7. Ditto to the pornification of your generation.

They dont want you watching porn because theyve read all about how porn warps young peoples’ minds, turning innocent women into Brazilian bikini waxed sluts and their male counterpartsinto sex addictedpredators destined for early onset erectile dysfunction. You let them believe those parental controls have actually protected you from pornography, but youve obviously seen it all anyway. The thing is, youve seen just as many of the raw, amateur videos that are widely available free of charge as the big budget, over-produced pornos, so its not like youre confused about what sex really looks like.

8. Theyve also awkwardly warned you about sexting.

As if you need your parents to explain the risks of sexting. Youve watched enough Lifetime movies and seen enough hacked celebrity new stories unfold to know that you have to crop your face out of every naked shot you send. Somehow you doubt that mom and dad areprivy to the same basic sexting 101 tips, but you’ll keep your knowledge to your self.

9. They endlessly glorify the pre-Internet past.

They think their childhood was much more pure than yours just because screen time wasnt a thing. They alsothink they were brave just because they had to ask people out irl, as if sending a text and having to wait for a reply were somehow any less nerve wrecking than saying a few words out loud.

10. They dismiss time spent online as completely wasted.

Theyre always telling you to sign off or to put your phone down, as if every single second spent online were wasted. You dream of the day youre old enough to get out of the house and off the family phone plan so you can sign up for unlimited data and be done with all the nagging already. Sigh.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/melanie-berliet/2016/11/10-things-your-parents-do-that-make-you-disproportionately-crazy/